There he is on the street corner again. There’s always someone there, holding their sign telling of their need...money, food, a job. Every day someone is there, and every day I feel more tired. I feel guilty, too. I can’t just ignore them! They probably need food and Jesus, but I just can’t help everyone. I already work at the food kitchen on Saturday mornings and go witnessing with my church group every Tuesday night. Where is the line? How much is enough?
I’ve always wanted to serve God, I mean, isn’t that why He saved me?
I’ve always thought that He saved me so that I could love and serve others. That means if anyone is hungry, I’m to feed them. If anyone needs a cup of water, I’m to give it. If anyone needs a coat, I’m to provide it. If anyone is sad, I’m to cheer them up. If anyone needs a helping hand, I need to raise mine. If someone doesn’t know the Lord, I have to tell them. The list of needs can get overwhelming, but if I don’t jump in, won’t God be mad and disappointed in me? I used to think so. I wished He would just give me a list of what He needed me to do each day, then I could check it off and be done. But I have no list and I feel like I never do enough.
How can I rest when there is always more to be done?
I’ve lived a good portion of my adult life trying to live like this—trying to meet the needs of others because that’s what I believed I should do – after all it is in the Bible. I did my best— worked, served, and checked off the lists in my head. But the tasks were never done. I began to find myself thinking, “There’s not enough time in the day to live a regular life and serve God!” I couldn’t keep it up and that made me feel like a complete failure. I really wanted to serve, but I had nothing left to give—I was drained, empty and exhausted. I was secretly longing for someone to let me off the hook, for someone to tell me I had done enough. I wanted to know that God had seen my effort. Was I pleasing enough yet?
This weight pushed me to start asking for help. I wanted answers to these questions. As God began revealing things to me, I saw that I actually did love to serve, but that love was not the driving force behind what I was doing. I realized what was driving me was the idea that “I have to serve in order to please God.”
I was chasing after God’s approval. I had a gaping hole and was filling it with all the tasks I could do for Him.
I had believed that “I need to serve to be okay. I need to serve in order to be enough.” I was trying to prove I could do it while knowing it would never be enough. Now I realize I was carrying a weight that wasn’t mine to carry! 2 Corinthians 3:5 says, “Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.”
He IS my adequacy! He promises to accomplish His work through me, it’s not up to me anymore.
I hear His voice as my Father, “You are my child, I love and accept you”. I realize that I have nothing more to prove. I now understand that God does not want me to work for Him, He wants me to work from Him—from His strength, from His direction, from His wisdom and from His solutions. He wants me to participate in what He is doing, not try to provide for people from my own resources. I no longer serve to be accepted. Now, because I know I am accepted, I’m free to serve!