Christmas gatherings can be a time of joy and celebration.  They can be a time to reflect on the fond memories of the past or even to be thankful for the opportunity to make new memories.  Christmas gatherings can also be a difficult time.  Those same gatherings that for some are a time of joy and celebration, can be a time of pain.  For some, those gatherings bring up painful memories from the past.  They provide opportunities for the negative messages we received growing up to be brought back to us like a slap to the face.  When we are believing the lies of those false beliefs, it does not take much for shame to take hold of us and to seek to have us engage in a downward death cycle that seeks to separate us from Jesus and can be hard to overcome.

Shame, unlike guilt, speaks to our core identity.  Instead of acknowledging that we did something wrong, which is guilt, in shame, we believe that something is wrong with me.  Guilt speaks to our behavior while shame speaks to what we believe to be true about ourselves, our identity.  When we are experiencing shame, it begins a process that can lead to negative self-talk/thoughts, depression, and trying to find ways to cope with the negative belief or to strive to find ways to make us do things to feel better about ourselves.

Shame is also the fear of being exposed.  It is the fear of being exposed for whatever negative belief we are holding to.  Adam and Eve experienced this in the Garden.  After eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, Adam and Eve had their eyes opened to what is right and wrong.  At that moment a sense of guilt for not listening to God was experienced.  However, instead of coming to God and admitting what they had done, Adam and Eve allowed their choice to speak to what they believed to be true about themselves, and the response was to hide themselves out of fear of being exposed.  Their attempt to cover their shame began with fig leaves.  It worked for a moment, until God came to the Garden. Shame continued its downward spiral and led Adam and Eve to try and hide behind bushes out of fear of being exposed before God.  

At Christmas gatherings, we are around those that shaped the messages we believe about ourselves - often these are the root of shame. These messages can be “I will never be good enough”, “I am unlovable”, “I am worthless”, “I am a disappointment”, “I am a failure”, “I am not strong enough”, etc.  None of us want to experience any of these.  When we are, we will find ways to try and deal with the painful emotions that come from these false beliefs.  Those coping strategies may seem to help us to feel better or numb the pain but never work for the long-term.

The solution for truly experiencing freedom from the false beliefs is Jesus.  That seems like the typical Sunday School answer, but it is true.  If we are going to stop believing something to be true, we must replace that belief with something else.  It is not as simple as just not believing it anymore.  To stop believing one thing, we must replace it with another.  Scripture says, “we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).  Paul says that we are to identify the lie, take it to Jesus, and replace it with what Jesus says to be true about us.  When we are believing ourselves to be unlovable, we identify that this is a lie and turn to Jesus and choose to believe that He loves us unconditionally.  When we are believing ourselves to be worthless, we identify the lie, and trust how much worth God places on us as Jesus came and died for us.  As we turn to Jesus for the truth about who we are, we will experience the life of freedom that He came to give us.